Was on a call with a client today who is just on the other side of a particularly challenging year – separated from their partner, moved across the country – and finally had their energy back.
They celebrated having had a pretty decent year in their business despite the whirlwind that was their personal life, and was really optimistic and excited to be focused on their business.
Then, they woke up in the middle of the night with horrible pain – turns out it was appendicitis.
They needed emergency surgery and about 2 weeks rest of recovery.
Highly disruptive to an entrepreneur looking to finally hit the ground running.
They felt the way anyone would feel in this situation; This again!? I thought I was done with this shit! (this is not a direct quote, but you get the idea).
I was recently introduced to a concept by Melinda Cohan in her book, Sustainable Success.
She covers 4 states (I’ll summarize my interpretation of below – but definitely worth reading the book for the full explanation):
- “To me” – this is the victim mindset
- “By me” – this is where we take ownership and try to control everything
- “Though me” – this is where we enter flow
- “As me” – not relevant at the moment
When life throws you a curve ball, its hard to not slip into “to me”.
This particular client is highly enlightened and in tune with their body, so there was a some “by me” too.
My body must be out of alignement with my mind because I really thought I was ready. Clearly my body is telling me I need to slow down.
But how do you make something as shitty as apendicitis a “through me” experience?
I asked her the question, is there a more positive way you could interpret what happened?
I mentioned this client is particularly enlightened, so she had already thought about this and had some good answers:
- I’m noticing how uncomfortabe I am accepting help from others, maybe this is challenging me in that way.
- I find I can’t sit still. The vaccum is calling my name and that artwork needs to be hung on the wall. Maybe I need to practice slowing down.
- I’ve been avoiding certain parts of engaging with work I used to love, I’m really not sure what’s going on there. That could be something to reflect on.
The list went on…
A bad thing happened, but there’s almost always a beautiful outcome (or many!) that can come of any situation if you try to find it.
There are always opportunities to move into “through me”.
I encourage you to find the areas in your life you’re in “to me” or “by me” and see how you can move to “through me”.
It’s a much more empowering place to be.