I make no secret that Melinda Cohan has been one of the big influences in my work (and life).
Melinda and I first crossed paths at Mirasee.
Mirasee had acquired The Coaches Console, and Melinda was involved for several years making sure the transition went well.
At the time, my role was Director of Operations at Mirasee, so when it came time to implement marketing strategy in our latest acquisition, I was often involved.
From launches to events, I got to see Melinda’s magic.
And over time, I also got to see the magic of her team.
It was actually the VA on The Coaches Console team in 2020 who took on my Director of Operations role by 2023.
There was a lot of talent, but what made that team so special was their heart and soul.
I always saw Melinda as a great leader, but it wasn’t until sh*t hit the fan at one of her events that I really saw her in action.
Not to get overly woo woo, but it was the first time that I witnessed what I believe to be a human shaping their reality before my very eyes.
Up until this point I would have said the universe was completely random, but after this, I had to be open to the possibility that at the very least, some humans on this planet, could influence their universe.
It was like seeing Wanda Vision in real life.
Check out this 2 min clip to see what I mean:
There, Wanda channels her energy to create the life she desires.
You can see the massive force it takes her to revive her love, and her perfect world.
And for awhile, she can live her dream.
This analogy so perfectly illustrates The 4 Levels of Consciousness model that Melinda lives and teaches: To Me / By Me / Through Me / As Me.
Directly from Chapter 2 of her Sustainable Success Companion Guide (that goes along with her book, Sustainable Success) here is how she defines the 4 Levels of Consciousness:
“To me is the level of powerlessness – where life happens to you. It’s often marked by blame, resentment, and helplessness.“
We see this at the start of the Wanda Vision clip, where Wanda is in despair.
It happened to Melinda at her event, “This hotel sucks, how can they not even have working internet in their ballroom to livestream our event when it’s specifically in our contract”
“By me is the level of force and control – where success comes through grit and sheer will. You’re self-sufficient, capable, and responsible… but often exhausted.“
We see this as Wanda screams and pushes to create her hex (the bubble wherein her perfect world exists).
It happened to Melinda at her event. When she realized the hotel’s inability or willingness to correct the situation threatened the cancellation of her event, she took charge of what she could control. She rallied her team, had words with the hotel, made tough calls and got sh*t done.
“Through me: is the level of surrender and co-creation – where you still show up fully, but with more trust, ease, and openness. Life begins to feel like a collaboration.”
This was the moment for Wanda where she looks at what she’s just done. You can see her face goes from pained to peace in the moment she looks at Vision with awe, curiosity, and love.
For Melinda, it was when she’d go into her greenroom of her event space and practice what she calls “radical self-care”. She also has a support system that was familiar with her self-care practices to support her. In tapping into self-care, Melinda was able to stay grounded, keep her nervous system calm and as a result she could stay open to opportunities and even “miracles” that otherwise would have been missed.
“As me: is the level of unity and oneness-where you no longer see yourself as separate from life. You are one with flow.”
This is where Wanda steps into the world she’s created in black and white. She is one with her universe.
And if you’ve ever attended a live event with Melinda, you’ve seen how committed she is to her clients, creating experiences and transformation.
On stage, she’s operating from a place of “as me” to achieve that transformation for her clients.
What we learn from this, is that there is actually a place for each of these steps:
- To me, is the trigger for change
- By me, is the first step in taking ownership of that change
- Through me, is where inspiration kicks in once “by me” gets to a point of diminishing returns (because there is only so far we can get by pushing)
- As me, is the natural evolution from living in through me
A symbiotic cycle exists between all 4 states.
But the key is to be aware of what stage you’re in, and ask yourself, “if I’m not achieving my desire as a result of by me, what might be possible if I move to through me?” and use that awareness to move forward.
Too much time in a lower stage of consciousness can pull you back from achieving your goals.
And it’s normal to jump from state to state, but when we practice self-compassion at the lower states, we can gracefully step into the higher ones.
Your highest good, and greatest impact are in your “through me” and “as me” moments.
This is where you’re in flow. This is where you find your passion and your fun.
To illustrate this, I have an exercise for you:
- Think about an area of your life where you’re in “to me” and the external world seems in control. Reflect on what you think and feel without any judgement. Just notice the thoughts that come up for you.
- Take that same situation and imagine what it would feel like to be in “by me”. What might it look like for you to take control of that situation. Reflect on what you would think, feel and do in this level of consciousness.
- Taking that same situation again, now do the same for “through me”. What could that same experience look and feel like. Let your pleasure lead the way. Don’t limit yourself to what is/isn’t possible. Just dare to dream what this could look like.
I did this recently as I was preparing for a trip to visit my in-laws in Ireland. I was dreading the overnight flight and travel.
- As me: It’s so annoying that I need to take an overnight. I never sleep well and I’m exhausted for a week. Plus the jetlag. I guess I’ll just have to be miserable…
- By me: YUL to Dublin is 6 hours direct, and we can get a car service for 320 euro to bring us to Fermoy (which it looks like is only a 2h drive). We’d leave Montréal at 8:40pm and land in Dublin at 7:45am (so at the in-laws by about 10am) total travel time about 8-9h – that’s better than having a connecting flight to Cork. Maybe I’ll try sleeping pills on the flight.
- Through me: I love Ross and his family and am skilled at managing my energy. The most important thing is that we arrive safely. This is about Ross and I can find joy in being a supportive partner to him as we travel. Whatever flight we take, I’ll leverage my self-care toolkit to be radiant through it all.
Notice how the same experience can shift so dramatically as you move through these states.
And know that it’s in your power to jump from state to state.
Channel your inner Wanda.
Joey